"I need somone strong and resolute and sure of themselves. They would have to be in order to put up with me. I am intense and passionate and sexual and emotional and fiercely loyal and jealous and possessive and an absolute mess. But I have the best of intentions. I would never try to hurt someone, and when I love someone, be it friend or family or him, I don't hold back. I can't. Even if I end up getting hurt. I wouldn't erase anything from my past. As cliche as this is, everything I've done and said and experienced, has made me who I am today. This may not be the same "me" next year, and definitely not the same ten years from now. But whoever the right man is will know all my quirks and all my imperfections, and still think I'm the best damn thing that's ever happened to him."
I wrote this more than two years ago, but it's still true. I know who I am. I know what kind of person I am, and I'm happy with myself. I am the definition of a hopeless romantic, and I mean every word I say. I feel like people don't give me a chance. They either listen to the stream of bullshit someone insists on feeding them about me, or they decide to go with someone else who I can guarantee has got nothing on me. I know what I deserve. But I also know what I want.
Why would you walk away from someone who genuinely cares about you and wants to be the one to make you happy to appease people who don't give a shit about anyone other than themselves? Who have to tear others down in order to compensate for their own unhappiness?
So for the love of Jesus Christ, Mohammad, Krishna, Buddha, any effing deity out there, open your damn eyes and start thinking for yourself. I won't wait much longer. Please don't let me down.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
she let her heart and soul ride in your hands.
So, what made you think that you could take a life, and just push it around? I guess to build yourself up so high, you had to take her and break her down.
I'm gonna be okay. I know that. I know he was bad for me. I know I made mistakes too. I know that in five years, this won't hurt so bad, and I will have been with a few other guys since, and maybe even married. For now, it hurts like hell. But, I'm so grateful to have my friends and my family. You've kept me sane. He's never coming back to me, but you guys never left in the first place, and that means the world to me. I'm comforted knowing that I tried. I gave him every chance to reciprocate, and that's all I can do. I can't pretend I don't love him. I can't pretend the last two years didn't mean a thing to me, even if they did not mean so much to him. One day, it won't hurt so much. One day, all the memories will become blurry. So I'll wait. But not for him.
For me.
It took a while for her to figure out that she could run, but when she did, she was long gone.
P.S. Chelsea, Jovita, Alma, Sami... you all deserve better. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent women. I have faith in you, and I will always be here for you. No matter how far away I am.
Friday, August 7, 2009
make it was.
wipe off that makeup, love,
cover yourself back up
that skin just reminds you
of how he takes advantage
and how you never learn
years of tears, then there was hope
but he was a mistake
all those nights spent
waiting up
making excuses for him
taking the slurs and the words
and turning them into love
turning them into a scared hurt soul
but it was all in your head
his first and last love is for himself
it was never for you
nor will it ever be
he wants to revel
he wants power
he wants none of you
save the ego trip you supply
it is his oxygen
while he is your's.
Make it was, love. Make it was.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
please.
Ok people: the bullshit needs to stop. I know that not everyone voted for President Obama, but either way, for the next four years, he is the leader. So time to start supporting his decisions and at least attempting to move the country in the right direction. You all knew from the beginning of the campaign what his intentions were, yet now, he can't get shit passed becuase so many moderate dems and right wingers won't shut the fuck up and let him do what needs to be done to fix the economy and the health care system. I can't comprehend why so many are intent on hating him, no matter what. I have heard people literally say "I don't care what he does, I am never gonna support him." What the fuck is that!? And people are still talking about his birth certificate and Bill Ayers and how he's gonna take all the guns away. Oh my god, really? Are people that stupid? I saw a billboard in front of a gun store the other day that said "The government prefers unarmed peasants". Second Amendment, folks. Your precious guns are safe. At least until your toddler finds them, or Tennessee gives you permission to carry one with you into a bar. One too many beers plus a drunken redneck with a quick temper and a glock equals a pretty shitty night for somebody. Then I am assuming you will wish Obama had taken them away.
Point is, quit your bitching and let the man do what he is best at: Fixing the country.
Point is, quit your bitching and let the man do what he is best at: Fixing the country.
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